Art Procrastination
I've been wanting this for years; to learn how to draw. Class begins on Monday and my pre-drawing assignments are still waiting for me to open the paper, take out the mirror and pencil and tape and sit there facing my face in the mirror and draw what I see.
I wonder what will happen... I also wonder, why is this so hard? Why am I procrastinating so heavily, so terribly; ranging in there with the most procrastinacious of all of my procrastinations... Why? Is an artist about to bloom? Am I afraid? Am I just lazy? Is the left side of my brain trying to win-out over the right side of my brain?
For some reason, as much as I want to draw and as much as I have often thought about wanting to draw over the years; I find it so difficult to make myself put a pencil in my hand and a blank tablet of paper on my lap and then put the tip of the pencil on the paper and then look out and see something and force my pencil tip to leave etchings of grey-toned streaks that try to mimic some portion of what my eyes behold. There's serious and definite strong-will wall set up against this great desire that I have; I can feel it in my arms, inside my being; serious stubbornness - or something.
Maybe it's because when I finally do sit down to draw; what comes out on the paper is not what I wanted; not what I envisioned... I am faced again with the reality that when I went to sleep last night, I didn't take on sudden amazing drawing abilities and awaken with them in my fingertips. Hmmmm.
What can help me draw? I've treated myself to an amazing art class, "Drawing from the Right Side of the Brain" also called DRSB https://www.drawright.com taught by Brian Bomeisler, the son of Professor Dr. Betty Edwards. Will the class work for me like it works for others? I'm already a very creative-brained person... I must be right-brained down to the core; but my left-brain is trying to stop my right-brain from having a party in this. It's like I'm at the start of the race and in "ready-to-run" position... My right brain is so delighted and happy that it will reap the coming rewards... My left brain must be jealous; maybe even angry, "No, right brain... Stay here and rest awhile, you don't really need to draw..." My right brain has been tied down by my left brain. My left brain sees what my right brain is about to accomplish and the left brain isn't having it. "Oh no you won't, don't even try!! I've got ductape so stay right there and don't make a move!" But my right brain has an idea... "I know just how to escape my left brain... I'll go out to my favorite place in the yard and begin my assignment there. No wall to affix a mirror to? No worry, I'll tape the mirror to a fence post, I have ductape too."
You're wondering what happened, who won? At the completion of this sentence, the right-brain carried herself and her left brain and all the needed art supplies and a cup of coffee... Out to the garden... Let the drawing begin.